I had two daughters …. Now I have one. Danni was feisty, intelligent and gloriously beautiful. We lost her on 4th February 2017, aged just 26 to lymphoma. Living without her large and bold presence, trying to understand the meaning of things, managing grief and loss and attempting to live in the light of this experience is my new normal.
We appear here, and so we live. And eventually, everything fades and dies. We get to add theatre and colour in the space in between by our unique expression to the fact that we have been given life.
In the months and weeks leading up to her death, Danni showered us with perception and insight, like precious gems scattered across a stoney path, to be picked up, polished and treasured. There were hundreds of small moments in the exchanges between all our family, friends and Danni that made us laugh, cry and gasp with awe at the sheer courage, resilience and beauty she brought into life ... We hardly ever get intimately close to the raw intelligence that someone close to death radiates and we barely - if ever - discuss openly, freely and honestly what it feels like without fear or censure.
This blog is an honest attempt to get close to those truths, to live life fully engaged; from the small acts of cooking a family meal, to taking health and nutrition seriously and yes addressing normally taboo subjects. The highs, the lows and all the bits in between.
Danni said "Mum, you are such an intelligent person, why the hell aren't you finding a way to talk to people and tell them what you know"? A statement like that, part challenge, partly her poking me yet again for always having something to say about just about everything!
So this blog is just me talking, me living my life ... colouring in. It is my promise to Danni to find a way to say important things. It is me attempting to unlock some of the mystery and enigma and it is also a dedication to my beautiful remaining daughter Kylie who is always a bright light at the end of every tunnel and a thank you to all my beautiful friends and family.